Too Poor to Get Divorced? Unlikely.

separating

Once I read a news article that said divorce is so expensive that many low-income Americans cannot afford it. Although this may be true for some extremely poor people, almost any pair of spouses who can afford to live apart from each other can afford to get divorced.

In Virginia, a little time with a professional family mediator to negotiate the terms of your divorce and put them in writing, followed by filing your own forms in a courthouse, can be sufficient. The total cost can be in the range of $1,000 to $2,000. In fact, one of our specialties is giving Do-It-Yourself Divorce clients the small amount of professional support they need.

If you and your ex have already separated your bank accounts, credit cards, household goods, and other assets and debts in a way that is acceptable to both of you, you may need very little professional help with your divorce. If you have already agreed on a parenting schedule for your kids (sometimes called custody and visitation in court), here too you may not need much assistance from a mediator or a lawyer. Formulas and traditions are available for deciding about alimony and child support.  Basically, if you meet the conditions below, then it costs very little to get divorced.

• Both of you want to get divorced. 
• You can get a little help from one or more professionals (a mediator and/or one or two lawyers).
• You can agree on the terms of your divorce. 

If one of you does not want to let the marriage end, or if you and your ex have a lot of difficulty coming to terms, that is a different and much more expensive story. The costs are psychological as well as financial. Your kids may suffer through a lot of collateral damage. 

The fact that a divorce is affordable does not necessarily mean that it is advisable. For example, a financial matter such as health care coverage may be a good reason for staying married even when living apart. How a divorce would affect social security income or other retirement funds should also be considered. 

If you can reconcile and learn to be happy together, that’s great. Some therapists are very good at helping couples change and reinvigorate their relationships. Some family mediators and some counselors are good at teaching constructive ways to resolve family conflicts, making divorce unnecessary. If, however, you cannot be happy together and can afford to live apart, then you can probably afford to divorce.