Is It Too Late to Mediate Our Divorce?

When two spouses start battling each other in divorce court, fear, anxiety, anger, and costs all tend to escalate. It can be very hard for them to rethink their approach to divorce, de-escalate tensions, and take up constructive problem-solving in mediation. Some divorce lawyers will not help their clients do that. They choose to be vigorous advocates for what their clients want, not for helping the family solve its problems.

Nevertheless some people do decide to get out of the battle and get into figuring out how to agree on plans for their kids and decisions about their finances. One pair of clients did exactly that, after several months of having their lawyers negotiate with each other in and out of court. Here is the letter they created, signed, and sent to both of their lawyers in the same email message. (Names are of course removed from the letter here.)

To Husband’s Lawyer and Wife’s Lawyer,

We would like to cancel all of the upcoming responses/meetings/depositions/court dates (i.e., all billable hours) in order to give us the necessary time and space to discuss and reach an amicable and mutually satisfactory agreement on a custody schedule and alimony/child support.  We have recently had multiple, constructive discussions and believe we can resolve this matter expeditiously, and in the best interests of our children.

We are literally running out of money and can’t keep incurring legal fees.  We don’t want to continue what essentially has become an arms race.  And of even greater importance, the current tension-filled environment is not serving our children well at all.

We appreciate your efforts on our behalf, and hope you understand that we are not interested in tearing each other apart and leaving our children as roadkill.

Respectfully,

Wife and Husband

Not everything about this case turned out well, but the clients did such a great job describing the damage that had come from their reliance on lawyers that I have chosen to share their letter.

Other clients who have ended or limited their involvement with lawyers and worked instead with a mediator have had excellent outcomes. You can find some of their praise and gratitude on Google, Facebook, and Yelp.